Does this ever get easier?

I've taken a year off from blogging about life as a single mom of a young child with Type 1 Diabetes to get a handle on life as a whole. July 2010 my son and I moved to a new townhome, in a relatively quiet area and life as a single mom with a 4 year old is finally finding its own rhythm. Aaaahhh...We have far more beautiful and amazing days than off days. Diabetes and diet is still our number one priority. H just had his endocrinology check up and his A1C's are at 6.7. Awesome!!! Even on the days his blood sugars seem out of control the over all result is, we are doing a good job. My need to control everything H puts in his mouth is taking a back seat to his enjoying his life. We are still, gluten, soy and dairy free, which really isn't that hard to live with, unless of course we aren't at home when we get hungry. Finding other moms with the same focus on healthy food with age apropriate children is challenging. It's a good thing we enjoy eachothers company so much. H is growing by leaps and bounds, 3'8 and 51 lbs. He loves, swimming, golf, soccer, painting, drawing, coloring, dancing, insects, cars, learning. His imagination is incredible, I love this age.

Today we were at a birthday pool party and everyone was having such a great time. When we arrived H's sugar was a little low, (I tried to plan for food and snacks) H snacked on some gluten free pretzels and played...sugar leveled off, then everyone wanted "lemonaid" all the kids were getting their cups and of course H just wants to try it...I had just given him some insulin to cover the second hand full of pretzels and thought he would be fine if he had a taste. An hour later, birthday cake was being served, (I bought H his own slice of gluten, soy, dairy, sugar free, cake) I checked his sugar, 398. WT? Impossible, he had been swimming for hours how on Earth is he this high? So, now what do I do, tell him he can't have cake, while we wait out the 2 hours left on the insulin? Ugh!! Instead I opt to give him more insulin and cake. We will be leaving soon, I still have "emergency food" in the car if we need it...I'll be vigilant, but STRESSED the entire time. I give my son the sliver of cake, everyone else is getting huge pieces of ice cream cake, covered in colorful icing, with crumbled cookies and layers of chocolate. (An amazing looking cake) H finishes before everyone and is sitting with his best friend while his best friend enjoys his slice of cake. H is asking for a detailed description of every bite. "What does the pink part taste like, the blue part, what's that???" My heart is aching, the cakes takes about 15 minutes for everyone to finish, Thank God!! Can we get back to playing??? About 45 min after his insulin injection I start getting that mommy sixth sense feeling...check his sugar, check it now...I check him and he is 68, oh, good lord. Here baby, have some cake. His sugar comes up to 92, but 40 minutes later, just as I am putting dinner on the table, he's at 42. Here's half a banana, and a hand full of crackers. Dinner is served, thank goodness, but no, H doesn't want the brown rice couscous he just wants the protein. We sill have another hour on the insulin...I give him a 1/4 of a Larabar (love them!!) and off to bath and bed he goes. At bed he's a little hight 131 but he's been playing all day, I need to watch him...9:30 his at 268. Oh, come one!!! So, when does it get easier?

For now, we are finding our way. Most days run smoothly and predictably.

FreeStyle Navigator Continuos Glucose Monitor

After reading several other blogs of parents with children with type 1 diabetes, I wanted to share my experience with the CGM. Last year we participated in a research study for the FreeStyle Navigator Continuos Glucose Monitor. This particular device had not been used on children under the age of 8 but we were willing to give it a try and it literally changed our lives. Here is a link to an interview I did after the study was completed. http://www.nemours.org/mediaroom/news/2009/diabeticstudy.html

In all honesty I would say using this device has given me about 35% more breathing room on most days depending on how his sugar is fluxuating and it allows me to monitor his levels when he is not with me. It also provides for a small piece of mind when someone other then myself or his father is watching him.

There is much, much more on this topic but once again it is midnight, I have sugar check to do and hopefully a few hours of sleep.

What I Have Learned...(So Far)

Two weeks before Thanksgiving 2009, I started experimenting with a raw diet for myself and Harrison with high hopes of reversing Harrison's diabetes. The first three days I was able to cut his insulin in half. I was so enthusiastic, I thought I was on to the "cure", besides, I loved the green smoothies, I felt clean, alive and connected to the earth. This was it, why doesn't everyone eat like this?

In my quest for knowledge and my desire to reverse Harrison's type 1 diabetes, I continued to study and try new ways of preparing food. I really enjoyed all the organic fresh foods, I enjoyed exploring stores from a fresh new perspective. Cleaning, dehydrating, soaking, sprouting, blending, processing...(btw, dehydrating is not cheap, I more than doubled by electricity bill in only 15 days.) In my mind so much preparation equated, love and devotion to my son, his health and well being but somewhere along the way my health took a turn for the worse. I became hypoglycemic, moody, perhaps even depressed, angry, exhausted, and overly stressed about every drop or morsel that entered our mouths. I was always too busy in the kitchen to play and making foods until midnight did not allow me time to sleep which is essential when one has to get up every two hours or so to check blood sugars.

One would think on this kind of diet you would loose weight oh, no...not me. One might loose weight if you aren't trying to satiate a hunger that permeates your soul. Night after night, hand full after hand full of raw, cleaned, soaked nuts,and/or seed, still I didn't feel nourished.

I read Dr. Gabriel Cousens book, Conscious Eating and tried harder...still I was packing on the weight and getting more angry. Angry because of the weight, because of the lack of sleep but mostly because I was working so hard and Harrison's blood sugars were back to where we had started and he still had diabetes.

Little by little I started cooking more and more. With this being coldest winter in years, cooked food felt and tasted so good. If I couldn't maintain raw, I was at least going to stick with a vegan diet. Then I discovered, every other day when Harrison is with his father he was eating meat. So the jokes on me and I give up...I surrender...and I take a good long look at myself in the mirror, realizing how completely depressed and exhausted I am. Realizing Harrison choose 'us' for the contrast we provide in his life and I can keep fighting this making everyone miserable or I can learn to help Harrison make the healthiest choices available to him when what he eats is not longer my decision.

Over the past two weeks I have added several foods back into our diet that have been long been missing,(at least when he's at my house)red potatoes, cooked acorn squash, organic vegi chips, and fish. Fresh, wild fish. Life has gotten so much easier. I'm still juicing every day...He loves our green juice first thing in the morning. The majority of our meals are still raw vegetable based. The belly fat is already melting away, I feel better, less stressed, no more depression and the hypoglycemia shows up when I'm hungry, occasionally. We both look forward to sitting down to our meals, Harrison isn't always pleading with me for food or standing the refrigerator. I feel more at peace being in this time space reality and having a personality that enjoys socializing, going out to dinner, and having a glass of wine, once in a while.

I am about to embark on yet another book at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, "Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human" by Richard Wrangham. Here's the link if you want to find out more. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=evolving-bigger-brains-th&page=2

In Summary: This is what I have learned so far...
1. Clean your nuts, especially if you buy them out of bulk bins. They are filthy.
2. Juicing is AWESOME and green juice is wonderful at any time of the day.
3. Fasting is important for overall health.
4. I really enjoy cooked food, especially in the winter.
5. I really enjoy fresh fish, once in a while. (If you buy your fish from Publix or local chain grocer, do some research on "farm raised"...it's pretty disgusting. http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2003/05/10/farmed-salmon-part-one.aspx)
6. I desire ease in my life and this diet is anything but easy. It consumes my ever waking free moment and thoughts. Harrison will have to make his own decisions about food when he is a way from me, he chose an amazing contrast between myself and his father, a professionally trained chef.
7. Harrison has diabetes, living with it doesn't have to be a daily struggle with food. I want food to be an important enjoyable, component of Harrison's world, not his whole world.
8. Life is short...too short for all this worry about the future...could eating this make me sick, will eating that make me fat. My latest philosophy is, eat what is closest to nature. Pay attention to how it makes you feel, physically, emotionally, spiritually. (Like cow's milk?? Why do we drink another animals breast milk but turn away when we see a mother nursing her child or call it strange when the mother chooses to extend nursing until the baby is a toddler? Essentially if you choose to ingest dairy you are still nursing, drinking milk and eating cheese, ice cream, call it what you want, it's still breast milk but it's also comfort food.)
9. As a single mother who has very little time to herself, finding peace with this journey is a priority for both my well being and my son's.
10. Gluten, dairy, soy, all processed foods, all GMO foods, should be avoided.
11. Anything the governments says is 'safe' question, especially if your are giving it to your child.
12. Fat = toxicity...detox, exercise, fast
13. Sugar is bad for you!!!
14. You are not the only person affected by your choices regarding your health, be your own advocate and choose to honor you loved ones by choosing better.
15. Find time to sleep, to exercise, to laugh, to play, to be, and to be happy.

STOP! Read This Before Vaccinating for Anything

STOP! Read This Before Vaccinating for Anything

Not Yet...

The past month has definitely been filled with introspection and contemplation, but I'm still working on acceptance.

A day in the life of my 3 year old angel.... We start most days with 8.5 units of insulin, two different kinds, which means two separate injections. Then breakfast, which consists of a green smoothy, cacao, spirulina, macca, flax oil, hemp seed milk, cocoa, chocolate stevia, blend until creamy and smooth. Believe it or not he loves it. Some days I make a crustless quiche, (kale, zucchini, onion, eggs) and call it an egg pizza, with nutritional yeast as "cheese". Again he loves it. However, with in a few hours of breakfast he is asking me for something "sweet with sugar in it" and this is where my negotiation skills need improving..."can I have an apple, or apple pie (larabar)please mommy". "No baby, lets wait and see where your sugar ends up? Maybe later". And then the tears and pleading begin with those beautiful blue eyes, I want to give him the world, anything his heart desires...it's heartbreaking. (An apple, seriously, will put his blood sugar well into the 300's even with the 8.5 units we start the day with.)

Lunch usually consists of a salad with half of an avocado, steamed brocolli, which he loves!!! and once again, the request for something sweet...same scenario. Usually by 3:30 or 4:00 his sugar is low enough and we have played enough I can give him half a larabar...17 grams of sugar for the whole bar but he can only have half, unless I give him more insulin.

Dinner, again is some vegetable assortment, raw & cooked, recently we have started adding fish. He loves sauteed onions and roasted cauliflower so we usually do something along those lines. However, the entire day, he is asking for something sweet.

Here is my dilemma, how can I make life less about the importance of every morsel of food he puts into his mouth and more about experiencing the sweetness it has to offer on all levels. How do I do this and keep him as healthy as possible. Food takes up so much time and energy, it consumes most of my waking thoughts, especially trying to do anything raw. Having read Dr. Gabriel Cousens book Conscious Eating I can't just ignore what I have learned. It's hard not to be concerned about every piece of food that enters his body.

***Side note, diabetes is a the 5th deadliest disease in the USA because it causes so many other disease within the body. Heart disease, (my father died of and my mother is living with) and Kidney disease, just to name two of the big one...the list is long. Sugar is BAD news for everyone especially those whose body's can not convert it properly.***

And then there is the "dad factor". Harrison's father is the most amazing chef I have ever had the pleasure of dining with, and now that I have conceded to not being able to reverse Harrison's diabetes with diet, when Harrison is with his dad all sorts of new things are being introduced that I have no control over...

Which leads me to another area of introspection for another day...control. For now, and with each passing day, I picture life getting easier, more joyful, more relaxed. Today I have seriously started considering the possibility of an insulin pump and what that could mean for Harrison and his father and I.

Hopefully acceptance and BALANCE is on the horizon.

नो वहत

Acceptance

Over the past couple of days it is becoming clear to me that I will not be able to reverse my sons type 1 diabetes. It's been 21 months since he was diagnosed and I have tried the gamut of diets. Currently there is no dairy, gluten, grains, beans, almost no fruits or simple sugar of any kind. Daily supplements, food enzymes, ph balance water, organic food and bath products.... 2 weeks before Thanksgiving we started a raw/vegan diet, which gave me hope for the first 3 days and then his sugar went right back to fluctuating. He has been ravenous over the past two weeks and as of this week we have added some fish and chicken back in.

To add to the interesting dynamic we have in the household I am hypoglycemic, have been for years but it's finally to the point that I am now "having" to pay attention to me. Plus I now know that it is a precursor to diabetes.

I have started doing some research on metabolic typing. I found this great website www.distance-healer.com it has been a vast resource but figuring out ones metabolic type is a pretty costly expense. Any thoughts???